Tuesday, January 28, 2014

Up To Speed

Where has the past year gone?

I guess a lot of people might ponder such a question after the whirlwind of the winter holidays has come to an end. Once things have actually settled into a day to day routine and everyday life begins again, the question is usually long forgotten.

I am not pondering the question because I am such a reflective person, with regular and insightly annual reviews followed by a goals and to-do list, but actually the question for me is really quite matter-of-fact... where has the last year gone?

One of the main reasons that I put things on pause was because over the last year, I have hardly had any time for myself. I've not had much time to be creative, or if I did have the time, then I was too tired. Working busily all day thinking... if I can just make it until the kids are in bed, then the rest of the evening will be spent behind the hum of the sewing machine. Many wishes that were never realized. And, if I'm not making anything how could I share anything? Or if I did make something, then there was not enough time to take photos and post about it. Quite frankly my silence was simply that I was busy just simply living life.

It seems that almost everyone I meet, everyone I know is on constant overload. Did things run at such a fast pace a generation ago... even back to our grandparents' days?

When I scan through our 2013 photo folder, looking for evidence of the year, I ask myself the same redundant question... where did it go?

Well, SPRING was just about surviving... running after a quite lively and active three year old...

... tickling the toes of a six month old, strategically planting kisses on just the right spot...

... and husband away on week long work trips. I barely remember many moments where I just sat down. Sleep was the excption and not the rule.

Then we managed to make it to SUMMER...

five whole weeks at home with my family... afternoons by the pool, snuggled in one king size bed with all the cousins and the grandparents for a movie night, ice cream runs, grill evenings with every sunny day eating outside, choo-choo train rides, fireworks,  4th of July, family, friends, naps outside, multiple trips to the fabric store with a favorite aunt, visits with a much missed grandmother, WAL- MART!!!, learning to crawl, stand.... then wobbly walking, running after the crawling, wobbly walker...

... and then we whizzed right into...

FALL which usually mirrors spring, but with the exception that the two little guys could now both suddenly do more, kindergarden began for the big guy, hubby still gone, and preparations for our big annual show while hubby was still gone.

... and somehow we fell right back to WINTER again, barely back on solid ground because of the yearlong merry-go-round. Quiet and still winter months, creating new family traditions all while missing my own childhood memories, and feeling deeply the hole that has been left because of the people that I once shared them with.

... January... hmmm,  is it really January again?

Wednesday, January 15, 2014

Filling in the Pieces

Did you ever start something and you weren't really sure why you started it? I mean a project without an end goal, something without vision and planning, maybe falling into something because it just sounded like fun?

When I first started blogging, it was for various reasons... growing my business here in Germany, connecting to customers on a personal level, keeping up with my family and friends back in the States, journaling my emersion into my new country, and well, simply as an outlet for me. Writing has always been the best way that I can express myself, but somewhere along the way my vision for blogging and inspiration were no longer clear.

With having two children my life changed. I changed. My days got busier, the list of things to do got longer, my time got shorter, priorities changed and with it blogging slid from the top of the list. The funny thing is that even though I haven't posted in months, I don't really feel like I have quit. Perhaps, I am looking for the right time to jump back in. I saw a blog post recently where someone had not posted on their blog in well over a year. Then all of a sudden, there they were again. They proceeded with a seemingly normal blog post as if a year's time had never passed. 

But now I guess I don't want to just jump back in and show project after project without even saying - hey, remember me…yeah, I know, I've been gone a long time. But yet somehow I need to have a clear definition for myself of why I actually want to blog. What is my purpose? Do I want to be a crafting and sewing blog making efforts to move and inspire my German readers while feeling a certain disconnection to those who only quietly stop by, but never connect with me feeling that either their English is not good enough or not being certain of my German abilities? Or do I want this to be primarily a  personal journal of my life… what moves me, what I feel and am passionate about? The question for me is, can one really combine both?

I'm still sorting, defining, and trying to find balance, but in the same respect, I am not ready to plunge back into things again full force. This is just perhaps a slight little "wiggling my fingers"  to show that there are still signs of life. Slow and gradual, easing back into things as inspiration comes… this is my simple plan for now.
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